(Yes, I can sense some of you dashing for the mouse to get off this page already… “Oh no, a Lou theory… that can’t be good.” Well, you’re just gonna have to bear with me.)
I’ve noticed that, whenever I’m driving the lovely streets & freeways of Los Angeles, I have this amazing tendency to end up behind the slowest person in whatever lane I happen to be driving in. I know, your first reaction is “it’s all in your mind”, kind of like the feeling that, when stuck in traffic, the lane you’re in is the slowest one on the freeway (in fact, it sounds almost exactly like that, doesn’t it?). But in THIS case, I’m not imaging things!
Here’s how it works…
Invariably, as I’m driving along, I will find myself behind the one person on the road going significantly slower than the posted speed limit. (I’ve mentioned this clown before—he’s the one that will run through that yellow light that I’m going to get stuck at. Yeah, that clown.) I’ll sit behind him (or her—there is no gender bias here), fuming, waiting for my chance to get out from behind him or her… then when the chance comes, dart into another lane. Moments after sweeping past said slow-moving road obstruction, I’ll find myself once again behind another clown that doesn’t understand that speed limits were made to be broken.
Understand, I’m not talking about people actually DOING the speed limit… I may not LIKE that these people are out there, but I can’t necessarily fault them. Noooo… these are the ones that somehow can’t manage that 35 mph posted limit going up the hill on La Cienega.
This behavior knows no time limits, time of day, holidays or exceptions. Often, it’s as if they’ll go out of their way to get ahead of me and then slow down once they’re there! (Once again, I am not engaging in hyperbole here, nor am I delusional. Dani’s witnessed it and commented on how “this never happens to her”. I usually growl in response.)
So here’s my theory…
There is a universal average speed law that simply MUST be observed. I’m not talking the speed of light here—too esoteric and beside the point of this discussion. No, this is some unwritten, undiscovered natural law that mandates the average speed at which traffic can flow at any given time. (For every crystal-clear stretch of freeway, there has to be an equivalent stretch of freeway that’s in the bumper-to-bumper grind. I’m not sure how this applies to country driving… one would think there’d be so much open country road that we’d never get anywhere in the cities, but maybe there’s a “weighting” system built in, so that there’s a slight advantage given to city driving to compensate for the inequities. Nature’s vast and complex enough to come up with something like that, I’m sure.)
So, how does this apply to me in particular? Well, as I may have mentioned before, I pretty much operate under the assumption that speed laws are made to be broken. Honestly, the only time I voluntarily do the speed limit is when there’s a cop around or I’m convinced I’m in the middle of a speed trap. So my driving habits tend to throw off the natural average… I am, however infinitesimally, nudging that average speed above it’s normal limit. Nature abhors this kind of thing, and so I become the target for every one of these incredibly annoying, haven’t-got-a-care-in-the-world and don’t-have-anywhere-I-need-to be losers that can’t, at the very least, do the freaking speed limit!
As you might have guessed, I had another annoying day driving and I just thought I’d share.
I’ve noticed that, whenever I’m driving the lovely streets & freeways of Los Angeles, I have this amazing tendency to end up behind the slowest person in whatever lane I happen to be driving in. I know, your first reaction is “it’s all in your mind”, kind of like the feeling that, when stuck in traffic, the lane you’re in is the slowest one on the freeway (in fact, it sounds almost exactly like that, doesn’t it?). But in THIS case, I’m not imaging things!
Here’s how it works…
Invariably, as I’m driving along, I will find myself behind the one person on the road going significantly slower than the posted speed limit. (I’ve mentioned this clown before—he’s the one that will run through that yellow light that I’m going to get stuck at. Yeah, that clown.) I’ll sit behind him (or her—there is no gender bias here), fuming, waiting for my chance to get out from behind him or her… then when the chance comes, dart into another lane. Moments after sweeping past said slow-moving road obstruction, I’ll find myself once again behind another clown that doesn’t understand that speed limits were made to be broken.
Understand, I’m not talking about people actually DOING the speed limit… I may not LIKE that these people are out there, but I can’t necessarily fault them. Noooo… these are the ones that somehow can’t manage that 35 mph posted limit going up the hill on La Cienega.
This behavior knows no time limits, time of day, holidays or exceptions. Often, it’s as if they’ll go out of their way to get ahead of me and then slow down once they’re there! (Once again, I am not engaging in hyperbole here, nor am I delusional. Dani’s witnessed it and commented on how “this never happens to her”. I usually growl in response.)
So here’s my theory…
There is a universal average speed law that simply MUST be observed. I’m not talking the speed of light here—too esoteric and beside the point of this discussion. No, this is some unwritten, undiscovered natural law that mandates the average speed at which traffic can flow at any given time. (For every crystal-clear stretch of freeway, there has to be an equivalent stretch of freeway that’s in the bumper-to-bumper grind. I’m not sure how this applies to country driving… one would think there’d be so much open country road that we’d never get anywhere in the cities, but maybe there’s a “weighting” system built in, so that there’s a slight advantage given to city driving to compensate for the inequities. Nature’s vast and complex enough to come up with something like that, I’m sure.)
So, how does this apply to me in particular? Well, as I may have mentioned before, I pretty much operate under the assumption that speed laws are made to be broken. Honestly, the only time I voluntarily do the speed limit is when there’s a cop around or I’m convinced I’m in the middle of a speed trap. So my driving habits tend to throw off the natural average… I am, however infinitesimally, nudging that average speed above it’s normal limit. Nature abhors this kind of thing, and so I become the target for every one of these incredibly annoying, haven’t-got-a-care-in-the-world and don’t-have-anywhere-I-need-to be losers that can’t, at the very least, do the freaking speed limit!
As you might have guessed, I had another annoying day driving and I just thought I’d share.
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