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The Parent's Television Council is at it again. (And no, I'm not going to link to them. I'm not doing anything to push their traffic or Google ranking up. If you can stomach their site, you'll have to Google 'em yourself). This time it's Carl's Jr. and the Paris Hilton ad campaign . They're upset because the ad is too racy for kids and are calling for a boycott of Carl's Jr. Let's face it… obviously the ads aren't meant for kids. They're meant for the "18-49 year old males" demographic advertisers are lusting after and if your kids are watching the shows where this ad is probably running, maybe you should be paying more attention to their television habits. (Also, keep in mind that your younger kids aren't going to "get" what's going on here, and that the teenagers have already seen much worse on the Internet.) Or, better yet, if you're REALLY upset with what's on TV, turn the damn thing off and sit dow...

Isn't it reassuring to know that there are jackholes out there just looking for some celebrity to make "the wrong remark" so they can jump on it in righteous indignation? Isn't it even more reassuring to know that one of those jackholes is helping to run the country? Congressman Slams Maher Over Army Remark A congressman says comedian Bill Maher's comment… is possibly treasonous…. Once again, we've got someone who SHOULD know better whipping out the "treason" word because he doesn't like Bill Maher's sense of humor. I don't know what dictionary Rep. Bachus is using (he pulls this definition out of who knows where: "In treason, one definition is to undermine the effort or national security of our country.") but Webster's defines treason as "the offense of attempting by overt acts to overthrow the government of the state to which the offender owes allegiance…." I'm kinda thinking that, even if you take the OTHE...

Dobson Blasts Filibuster 'Betrayal' Of course, as with most compromises, it leaves something to be desired for people on both ends of the argument (after all, the three nominees that have NO business being justices in this country are going to get their chance at a vote). But as long as narrow-minded a-holes like this are unhappy about the outcome, I can't say I'm not pleased. In the steaming mess of illogic that I generally expect from this end of the political spectrum, I have to appreciate this one: Justice Clarence Thomas, Justice Antonin Scalia, and Chief Justice William Rehnquist would never have served on the U. S. Supreme Court if this agreement had been in place during their confirmations. The unconstitutional filibuster survives in the arsenal of Senate liberals. Let's see… the compromise that so infuriates Mr. Dobson wasn't in place at the time of Thomas, Scalia & Rehnquist's nominations, but the filibuster was. And yet they somehow survived t...

Well, in my mind at least. See, a few weeks ago in Entertainment Weekly's Summer Preview issue, they had a feature on the new Batman Begins movie. In the article, they came off with this gem: "Despite the best efforts of director Joel Schumacher, the franchise lay in smoking ruins." Unable to let that one pass (since, let's face it, Schumacher's "best efforts" were the REASON the "franchise lay in smoking ruins"), I fired off a letter to EW… only to get an email from them last week, telling me they needed to confirm my info because they were considering using my letter in an upcoming issue. Sure enough, in this week's Entertainment Weekly (the one with Coldplay on the cover), thumb through to the letters section, and there I am! See, I CAN get published! (Did I mention that I'm amused as hell by this? Consider it mentioned.) SINCE you've gotta be an EW subscriber to see that link above, here's the quote from the article: Becau...

It's funny how I always seem willing to post about movies I DON'T like, and yet never seem to get around to it for the one's I DO enjoy. (The best/worst example of this would have to be my 2-part blog about the Hulk, a movie I can't get off my TV fast enough, and a comic I never cared about. Go figure.) So it's probably no surprise that I've blogged about The Pacifier and other crap (in a spring FILLED with crap movies) and barely mentioned any of the ones I've enjoyed… like Sin City . Some of the problem, of course, may stem from the fact that it's often easier to point out the flaws in a movie than praise its successes. It's also, sadly, often more fun to rant about squandered opportunities and failed experiments than it is to point out the small nuances that often go into making a film that just… works. But maybe I should give it some more effort. So, back to Sin City. It's not like I thought this was a flawless film. Nor even a great film, ...

I LOVE listening to PR flacks when they get on a roll. Their ability to take the English language into places you'd never expect is truly unrivaled. I really love their tendency for verbing nouns. Today on KROQ , they were talking to the PR person from Toto Toilets about their "1st toilet of the 21st Century," the Neorest 600 . Ralph's been raving about this thing since he got back from his honeymoon and how it "revolutionizes the whole 'going to the bathroom' experience" by automating nearly the whole process and leaving you with a "clean and fresh" feeling all over. While admittedly a "delicate" subject for drive time morning radio, I had to laugh when she was describing the cleansing experience and said "...when you're done toileting...". Done toileting. Truly, marketspeak at its finest.

These guys just crack me up… A Whimsical God, Part One

I keep hearing ads for Kingdom of Heaven today, and the last line in the trailer is Liam Neeson saying "Whoever dies here today, you will be among them". Which really sounds like the punchline to a "how dumb is Liam" joke.

So I said I might forgive Robert Rodriguez for all the Spy Kids movies he's inflicted us after seeing Sin City. And I'm inclined to, since I really liked Sin City. But then I read the sidebar on "The Adventures of Shark Boy and Lava Girl in 3-D" in Entertainment Weekly's Summer Movie Preview issue. Allow me to share this brief excerpt: ROBERT One day, I was asking the kids what they dreamed about the previous night. [To Racer] What did you say? RACER Milk. ROBERT So there's a scene where they go to the Land of Milk and Cookies. Then I thought they should go to a cool planet. I had just introduced him to drooling — like, when you like something, you drool? So we thought — RACER Planet Drool. Disgust at the thought that they're paying him a lot of money for ideas like this was followed quickly by depression at the thought of all the story ideas I've got sitting on my computer that I've never done anything with, because I'm "too busy,...

At this last weekend's Celebration III Star Wars convention, George Lucas announced plans for two new TV series, based on Star Wars. The first would be a 3-D animated series, called Clone Wars. (The animated shorts on Cartoon Network are apparently a related but separate series.) The other is a live action series, based on events happening between Episode III and IV (so the fall of the Jedi to the introduction of Luke Skywalker). Fanboys (and girls) everywhere are ecstatic at the idea of new Star Wars and an examination of this timeline, right? WELL, maybe not quite ALL of them… Penny Arcade: Tormented, Science-Fiction Youth

See, I'm not the only one that thinks Sean need to lighten up! What actor/actress really needs to lighten up and do a romantic comedy?

I was out driving on Saturday and came to the realization that I have an adversarial relationship with traffic. While there are those among my friends who would argue that this should NOT have been a realization, it still caught me somewhat by surprise. I've always assumed that my issues with traffic stem more from the differing levels of stupidity present on So Cal freeways (and my admittedly bad freeway karma ), but now I think it's much more basic than that. Each of the areas I drive in regularly has it's own flavor of stupidity. LA drivers (especially those in the 323) tend toward the aggressive end of the spectrum. They'll kill you (and themselves) to get off the line and ahead of you at the light, only to have to slam on the brakes in order to cut back into the right turn lane 100 yards down the road to cut off the next person in line. Get out of LA itself, and especially into Orange County, and you get more of the cluelessly stupid. They don't know WHY they c...

I was going to start the previous post with the ever-popular Bugs Bunny insult, "What a maroon," just because it seemed appropriate; or at least amusing. Hoping to find something Bugs related to go along with the quote, I Googled it and found this little tidbit: What a maroon! What an ignoranimous! Apparently, " Maroon ", in the 17th & 18th centuries, was similar to terms like octoroon and quadroon (which identified a person's ancestry based on the amount of European and, more specifically, Black blood in their ancestry) and was used to refer to fugitive Black slaves in the West Indies. (If you need to substitute "African-American" for "Black" in the above to feel comfortable, feel free. Since African-American wasn't a term in use at the time these other words were common, I figured I'd stick with the term used in the definitions I've linked to.) It's obvious to me that the Looney Tunes writers were unlikely to be aware...

Every few weeks in Entertainment Weekly , they go to Paul Dergarabedian of Exhibitor Relations for the idiot quote of the week. This week, in attempting to explain the slump in ticket revenues for the last eight weeks, he came off with this gem: "Maybe audiences are waiting for the big summer movies." A brilliant observation, lacking only one, tiny little quality… any sense of reality whatsoever. (Apparently Paul's job description can be boiled down to PR Flack .) This past weekend, I was looking at the movies listings and just shaking my head in disbelief. I'm used to January and February being a dumping ground for loser movies. Let's face it, the studios have all their Oscar contenders in theatres, riding that post-Christmas movie wave, so why waste the weekends on quality movies. But here it is, almost MAY, and I've gone out to see MAYBE a half dozen new releases since the first of the year. ( Sin City , Robots , Sahara , Elektra , Hitch … and, oh yeah, ho...

Heard today on KROQ that the producers of Mr. and Mrs. Smith are so afraid of a backlash (similar to the one that supposedly tanked Proof of Life ) over the rumors that a Brad & Angelina affair is the reason for Brad & Jenn's divorce, that they're editing out the "steamier" sex scenes from the movie. Now, first off, the assumption that Russell Crowe's affair with Meg Ryan was the reason Proof of Life tanked assumes that Proof of Life was worth seeing in the first place. I know Dani will argue with me (judging from her gasped reaction to Crowe's tank-top clad "getting ready to storm the guerrillas" scene) but there was really nothing worth seeing in that film. And secondly… are they NUTS? I'm sorry, but if you're cutting ANY sex scene with Angelina Jolie in it, I'm OUT! (And I'm sure any healthy red-blooded male today will agree with me on that one. I'm also assuming that any healthy, red-blooded female today will be upset...

(or, Why Cats are Better than Dogs) Since I seem to be on a roll with this topic, I figured why not continue… We went to the Pet Expo in Orange County over the weekend. Imagine it… acres and acres of people selling anything you could ever want, wish or need for your pet! (OK, I exaggerate… it was a half-dozen building and a lot of booths, but you get the idea, right?). It's a "pet parents" nirvana! I was in hell. (To be fair, you don't have to fall off the "pet parents" cliff to find good/useful things for your pet here. But it IS a treasure trove for the more obsessive in the animal lover community.) While I was standing there, watching Dani shop for bandanas for the dogs (reversible bandanas, so they don't get bored), I noticed the booth next door providing some kind of "diva dog" collar… a lace and spangles thing that slips over your dog's collar to give her (presumably) the perfect Vegas showgirl glam. A few minutes later, we were stan...

The question is, are we ready for Pope puns? Did you hear they've decided to cremate John Paul II? They plan to package the ashes and offer them to the faithful as … wait for it… Pope-pourri. Yeah, I'm going to hell. For bad humor, if nothing else. (Good rule of thumb: Tragedy + time = humor. Might be pushing the "time" envelope, I think.)

Back in May of last year I posted about the word " furkids ". For those in the know, it's " n. A pet treated as though it were one's child. " I'd read about the word from the Word Spy mailing list and found it amusing. And I blogged, in an admittedly deprecating manner, about the whole concept. (Dani, when I told her about it, mocked me for being condescending. I asked her "what's new?") Meanwhile, a recent Blogger update added an "email me" option for all posts. It's a little graphic link added to the end of each post that allows you to send emails to me so you can express yourself regarding any of my posts. This, in addition to the comments option, leaves lots of ways that people can let me know what they think about what I'm saying. It's occasionally amusing. Here's where this one gets amusing. The address I use for this "email me" option isn't one I check regularly… maybe once a month, if I'...

Ok, six weeks down the road and the freaking Pacifier is still in the top 10 and grossed over $100 Million ? Have you SEEN this movie? (What am I saying… if it's still in the top 10 after this long you probably HAVE seen this movie, haven't you?) I have to admit that I have seen this movie (don't ask… I lost a coin-toss between this and the equally poorly reviewed Be Cool on their opening weekend. I still don't know whether that was a good thing or not.) Formulaic, mind-numbingly dumb, terminally "cute" (Vin does a bunny-hop dance, that later saves the day!)… I felt myself losing IQ points watching this thing. Sadly, I think we have to blame Rodriguez. After all, you can easily point to Spy Kids in 2001, it's diminishingly entertaining sequel Spy Kids 2 , and the execrable Spy Kids 3-D as the direct antecedents of this tedious film—the blueprints, as it were, for this iteration of the "kids as secret agent/action hero" genre. But, while I wa...

Ok, I've always been amused by the Star Wars geeks that line up months in advance of the opening of the movies (especially after the disappointment of the last two films). But this really tops it all… 'Star Wars' fans wait at wrong theater You guys understand, they're TELLING you the movie's not going to be there. But you're going to be stand in line 'just in case'. You almost have to admire that kind of dedication. Almost. (BTW, being a self-acknowledged Star Wars geek, I'm perfectly comfortable throwing that accusation around. Beside, even I'M not geeky enough to consider standing in line a month before the movie opens. At the wrong theatre.)