Dignity

(or, Why Cats are Better than Dogs)

Since I seem to be on a roll with this topic, I figured why not continue…

We went to the Pet Expo in Orange County over the weekend. Imagine it… acres and acres of people selling anything you could ever want, wish or need for your pet! (OK, I exaggerate… it was a half-dozen building and a lot of booths, but you get the idea, right?). It's a "pet parents" nirvana! I was in hell.

(To be fair, you don't have to fall off the "pet parents" cliff to find good/useful things for your pet here. But it IS a treasure trove for the more obsessive in the animal lover community.)

While I was standing there, watching Dani shop for bandanas for the dogs (reversible bandanas, so they don't get bored), I noticed the booth next door providing some kind of "diva dog" collar… a lace and spangles thing that slips over your dog's collar to give her (presumably) the perfect Vegas showgirl glam. A few minutes later, we were standing in front of a booth providing hats for your dog… baseball caps, biker caps, cowboy hats and propeller beanies, just to name a few.

Then I saw the performing duo at one of the dog obedience booths. Both were fitted with chic little visor caps, bandanas and two of the most hideously colored—words fail at my attempts to describe—outfits I've ever seen. They were made of this puffy/stretchy material and covered most of the dog's forelegs, their entire torso and most of the way to their tail. One was a conglomeration of turquoise, blue and green geometric splotches and the other was orange, red and yellow (day-glo, I believe) circular shapes. Keep in mind that, despite the already garish nature of these outfits, the hats and bandanas actually managed to clash with them, bringing even more colors and patterns into the mix.

It was at this point that it struck me. I flashed back on the single embarrassing picture we have of Norman (Bates, the psycho cat). We had spent the better part of an hour getting a stuffed antler headpiece on him long enough to actually take the picture, but it was worth it for the look of utter disdain and contempt on his face after being subjected to such indignity. (SURE, I'm anthropomorphizing… show me a pet lover that doesn't.) Be that as it may, whether the look was contempt and disgust, or simple fury over being manhandled for so long, we got the shot and he got out of the antlers as fast as kittyly possible… unlike his canine friends currently romping about in front of me, looking like rejects from a really low-rent circus.

"Dignity," I turned to Dani and said, "the reason cats ARE better than dogs."

For the humor-challenged among you—and we have, sadly, become a rather humorless society of late—may I suggest sticking your tongue firmly in cheek and rereading the above. You may find it helps. (And you thought I was going to suggest sticking it somewhere else. Sad.)