As I posted a while back, I have a theory. In order to spare you having to follow that link and read my post, the gist of it is, there's a universal speed limit—an average speed—that traffic is not allowed to exceed. It's kind of like the speed of light (in that it's unbreakable) but a hell of a lot slower. Since I tend to exceed the posted speed limit every chance I get, the universe is compelled to throw slow moving vehicles in my path 'cause I'm throwing off the curve, as it were.
I, of course, do my best to ignore the universe on this one. I may be doomed to failure, but not for lack of trying. (Yes, that means I'm still speeding.)
But this week, I've noticed a new tactic.
Yesterday was President's Day, so the freeways were quieter than normal. We got out of the house at a decent time and I didn't feel any real pressure to get to work too fast.
We got caught at, maybe, four stop lights between the house and work. But at nearly every one of them, I got stuck behind some fool too distracted to notice that the light had changed. And every time this happened, it was at one of those lights with a real short cycle. You know the type… if you're not off the line in the first few seconds, there's a good chance you're sitting through the light twice.
Adding to this annoyance is that each one of these clowns was TRULY distracted. They weren't "one beep of the horn" distracted. Not even "okay, I'll tap it a couple of times, since you weren't paying attention the first time" distracted. No, these were "I'm POUNDING on the horn now, will you PLEASE wake up before the light changes and I'm stuck behind your idiot ass for one more light!" distracted.
(The last one was priceless. As we stop at the light, the woman in the car ahead of me starts digging in her purse or briefcase or whatever she's got on the seat next to her. The light changes and the car ahead of her goes, as well as the cars on either side of us. But she's still digging. There are cars coming, so I can't get around her. So I honk the horn. Several times. Finally, I am, literally, pounding on my horn and cursing her with the most vile invective I can think of. Finally, she pulls her head out of her… purse, puts the car in gear and we both slip through the light just before it turns yellow.)
Needless to say, I'm annoyed by all this distractedness and cursing my road karma once again.
Today, I had to take one of the cats to the vet. No problems, it's the middle of the day, freeways are pretty clear and I make it into LA in record time. Then, at the first left turn light I've had to sit through since leaving the house, the guy ahead of me is too damn distracted by the lint in his navel to realize that the light has turned green and, once again, I'm resorting to steering-column-pounding horn-honking as I wait for the fool to wake up.
Obviously, four instances of this in the course of two days is more than simple coincidence. The Universe thinks it's found a way to get me. And I'll admit, it's had me going. But it's not going to win this one. I'll just have to drive faster to make up the time I'm losing stuck in left turn lanes.
THAT'LL teach 'em… er, it… aw, you know, the Universe!
I, of course, do my best to ignore the universe on this one. I may be doomed to failure, but not for lack of trying. (Yes, that means I'm still speeding.)
But this week, I've noticed a new tactic.
Yesterday was President's Day, so the freeways were quieter than normal. We got out of the house at a decent time and I didn't feel any real pressure to get to work too fast.
We got caught at, maybe, four stop lights between the house and work. But at nearly every one of them, I got stuck behind some fool too distracted to notice that the light had changed. And every time this happened, it was at one of those lights with a real short cycle. You know the type… if you're not off the line in the first few seconds, there's a good chance you're sitting through the light twice.
Adding to this annoyance is that each one of these clowns was TRULY distracted. They weren't "one beep of the horn" distracted. Not even "okay, I'll tap it a couple of times, since you weren't paying attention the first time" distracted. No, these were "I'm POUNDING on the horn now, will you PLEASE wake up before the light changes and I'm stuck behind your idiot ass for one more light!" distracted.
(The last one was priceless. As we stop at the light, the woman in the car ahead of me starts digging in her purse or briefcase or whatever she's got on the seat next to her. The light changes and the car ahead of her goes, as well as the cars on either side of us. But she's still digging. There are cars coming, so I can't get around her. So I honk the horn. Several times. Finally, I am, literally, pounding on my horn and cursing her with the most vile invective I can think of. Finally, she pulls her head out of her… purse, puts the car in gear and we both slip through the light just before it turns yellow.)
Needless to say, I'm annoyed by all this distractedness and cursing my road karma once again.
Today, I had to take one of the cats to the vet. No problems, it's the middle of the day, freeways are pretty clear and I make it into LA in record time. Then, at the first left turn light I've had to sit through since leaving the house, the guy ahead of me is too damn distracted by the lint in his navel to realize that the light has turned green and, once again, I'm resorting to steering-column-pounding horn-honking as I wait for the fool to wake up.
Obviously, four instances of this in the course of two days is more than simple coincidence. The Universe thinks it's found a way to get me. And I'll admit, it's had me going. But it's not going to win this one. I'll just have to drive faster to make up the time I'm losing stuck in left turn lanes.
THAT'LL teach 'em… er, it… aw, you know, the Universe!
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