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Worst. Driving Game. Ever

It's kinda funny. I've been looking forward to playing L.A. Noire since I first read about it a couple of years ago. An open-world game, set in 1940's LA from the company that virtually defined open world gaming in the current gaming generation? I get to PLAY in the world of L.A. Confidential? I am SO there.

So much so, that I'm not dissuaded by the occasional tepid review, especially since most of the trepidation seems to stem from the combat elements of the game… the actual "police work" end of things—interrogating suspects, looking for clues, etc.—seems to work, albeit not at the fastest pace ever. (And let's face it, the review I linked to got an Editor's Choice rating and its MetaCritic score is currently at 83, so it's not like there's that much negative to go on.)

But maybe that "minor trepidation" should have been a clue, at least as far as that whole pacing thing is concerned. I finally got around to buying the game recently and promptly dove in to check it out.

At first, all seems well. I've got a murder to investigate, clues to search for and suspects to interrogate. The few instances of combat I experience aren't terrible and, since they're not the focus of the game, I don't see any problems.

But then I get to the driving game. Call me jaded from decades of real-world L.A. driving, but the last thing I'm looking for in my videogame world is to experience L.A traffic in real time… especially the 1940's version of it. Driving up to a stop light and having to sit there for what feels like minutes waiting for the light to change is far too close to my daily commute for my taste. And can someone tell me if left-turn drivers actually get the right of way in Australia? (The original developer was an Australian company, now defunct.) I've lost count of the number of times the light has changed (finally) and I try to accelerate through the intersection, only to get plowed into by a left-turn gone wrong. Seriously, where's the fun in this?

And then… not that this is the GAME'S fault, but still… I recently did a test-drive of a 3D monitor and glasses setup, using nVidia's 3D Vision technology. Interesting experience, but ultimately one I decided wasn't quite there yet.

Turns out L.A. Noire is one of the games nVidia lists as "nVision enabled" meaning, one assumes, that the 3D experience in this game will be top-of-the-line if you're using nVidia's tech. So L.A. Noire gets to be part of my test drive. Once again, the police work end of things fares well enough, especially in the suspect interrogations, where the 3D tech adds some needed depth to the character animations.

But once you get outside and get behind the wheel, it's a whole 'nother world. Turns out that, while the cars in L.A. Noire are 3D objects, they happen to be running on a 2D map. So now those 3D objects have real depth and dimension… and are running over a flat representation of 1940's L.A. streets. This was so disorienting I ended up with a headache after 15 minutes of attempting to navigate the map, and the conclusion that, nVision enabled or no, L.A. Noire was not something to be enjoyed in 3D.

So I'm back to the 2D L.A. Noire experience and, one of these days will, I'm sure, delve back into the game to see if I can get past the driving to enjoy the rest of the game. I'm just in no hurry to dive back in today. After all, I've got a Reaper invasion to stop, and a universe to save.

(And yes, I AM well aware that this may be my nerdiest post ever. Sadly, I don't think it will maintain that status for long.)

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