I've posted about this before (more than once, actually). And I joke about it all the time. So you're probably tired of hearing about it by now. But, despite all rational thought and arguments about empirical thinking and such, I am continually impressed with the way the universe conspires to slow me down.
Take this past weekend, for example. On the way to work, I have the usual slow-moving commuters to deal with, the 'can't make a left turn over 5 MPH' drivers to sit behind, and a bevy of other minor annoyances as I try to get us to the freeway. But, just before we get to the freeway, I have to pull into the nearby convenience store parking lot to get something out of the trunk that Dani needs. I pull out of the parking lot onto a little side street that leads back to the freeway, unfortunately right behind someone in a driver's education vehicle. Now, since this is a tiny little side street, instead of a major thoroughfare, chances are good that if you get caught at the red light, you're going to be there for a while.
Well, as I pull up to the intersection, the light is turning green, and the first car at the light accelerates through the intersection. Unfortunately for me, I've got the student driver ahead of me, who can't figure out where they're going, or where the gas pedal is, or maybe just what that color green really means. So they sit there stupefied till the light turns yellow (with me tapping the horn behind them to prompt them to SOME action), at which point they punch the gas, sending the driver instructor's head whiplashing to the left, as they cut a right turn just before the light turns red. I, of course, am left sitting at the red light.
Later that day, Dani and I are heading into LA for a couple of doctor's appointments. Mine is at 2:30, and we've left her office at 2 (the earliest she could get out on Friday). It is JUST BARELY possible to make the trip to our doctor's office in 30 minutes, if all the traffic gods are on our side. Silly me, I forgot who's driving. As we crest the hill, coming off the 405 onto La Cienega (down by the airport), I see ahead of us flashing red lights and at least one fire engine blocking every lane of northbound La Cienega, the route I'm attempting to take. A quick (and doubtless illegal) U-Turn later gets us out of the impending traffic jam from hell, but now we've got to detour back to Imperial Highway to catch the freeway going north, and are forced to stay on the 405 Northbound to the 10 freeway, a place where you do NOT want to be in a hurry on a Friday afternoon. We were almost exactly a half-hour late for my appointment and it was only the universe (or, most likely, my doctor) taking pity on me that allowed me to keep my appointment.
And then there's Saturday morning. I feel like hell on Saturday. The cold I felt coming on Friday has settled in for a nice visit and is wreaking havoc on my system. But there are a couple of errands that I simply have to attend to. So out the door I go, and off toward the freeway. As I turn onto Woodruff, a major avenue here in Downey, I see a large semi blocking all four lanes of traffic as the driver attempts to back into some driveway. I slow down and hope for the best, but it's obvious he's not going to comprehend where reverse is any time soon, so I spin a U-Turn (yes, probably another illegal one) and head back the other direction, hoping to get to the freeway sometime soon. As I near the light back by my house, I glance in the rear view mirror to see that Big Rig Guy has indeed figured out how reverse works and the street is clear, so as soon as I clear the intersection (yes, you guessed it) another illegal U-turn and I'm heading back where I originally was headed.
Here's where it gets REALLY good. As I approach the driveway Big Rig Guy has pulled into, suddenly he decides that he hasn't quite accomplished whatever it was he intended previously, and he pulls back out into traffic directly in front of me, once again, blocking all four lanes of traffic. I sigh, spin yet another illegal U and, expressing my contempt for Big Rig Guys backing skills with a one handed (let's face it, one fingered gesture), I head off into the sunset, hoping to find the freeway sometime soon.
All arguments that it's just coincidence, or 'the universe isn't really out to get you' will fall on deaf ears. I heard the same thing, back when I maintained that my graphite gray Toyota was the Stealth Corolla, due to the number of times, and the manner in which I got cut off on LA freeways and streets. "Everyone gets cut-off on LA freeways and streets," I was told. But I maintained that it was worse in the Stealth Corolla.
One day, driving down a VERY wide residential street in Santa Monica, on a bright, sunny mid-week morning, some idiot kid hung one of those damn illegal U-Turns directly in front of me, totaling the Stealth Corolla. As he got out of his car to survey the damage, all he kept saying was "where the hell did you come from? I never saw your car!"
So please don't tell me the universe doesn't have it in for me, 'cause I know better.
Take this past weekend, for example. On the way to work, I have the usual slow-moving commuters to deal with, the 'can't make a left turn over 5 MPH' drivers to sit behind, and a bevy of other minor annoyances as I try to get us to the freeway. But, just before we get to the freeway, I have to pull into the nearby convenience store parking lot to get something out of the trunk that Dani needs. I pull out of the parking lot onto a little side street that leads back to the freeway, unfortunately right behind someone in a driver's education vehicle. Now, since this is a tiny little side street, instead of a major thoroughfare, chances are good that if you get caught at the red light, you're going to be there for a while.
Well, as I pull up to the intersection, the light is turning green, and the first car at the light accelerates through the intersection. Unfortunately for me, I've got the student driver ahead of me, who can't figure out where they're going, or where the gas pedal is, or maybe just what that color green really means. So they sit there stupefied till the light turns yellow (with me tapping the horn behind them to prompt them to SOME action), at which point they punch the gas, sending the driver instructor's head whiplashing to the left, as they cut a right turn just before the light turns red. I, of course, am left sitting at the red light.
Later that day, Dani and I are heading into LA for a couple of doctor's appointments. Mine is at 2:30, and we've left her office at 2 (the earliest she could get out on Friday). It is JUST BARELY possible to make the trip to our doctor's office in 30 minutes, if all the traffic gods are on our side. Silly me, I forgot who's driving. As we crest the hill, coming off the 405 onto La Cienega (down by the airport), I see ahead of us flashing red lights and at least one fire engine blocking every lane of northbound La Cienega, the route I'm attempting to take. A quick (and doubtless illegal) U-Turn later gets us out of the impending traffic jam from hell, but now we've got to detour back to Imperial Highway to catch the freeway going north, and are forced to stay on the 405 Northbound to the 10 freeway, a place where you do NOT want to be in a hurry on a Friday afternoon. We were almost exactly a half-hour late for my appointment and it was only the universe (or, most likely, my doctor) taking pity on me that allowed me to keep my appointment.
And then there's Saturday morning. I feel like hell on Saturday. The cold I felt coming on Friday has settled in for a nice visit and is wreaking havoc on my system. But there are a couple of errands that I simply have to attend to. So out the door I go, and off toward the freeway. As I turn onto Woodruff, a major avenue here in Downey, I see a large semi blocking all four lanes of traffic as the driver attempts to back into some driveway. I slow down and hope for the best, but it's obvious he's not going to comprehend where reverse is any time soon, so I spin a U-Turn (yes, probably another illegal one) and head back the other direction, hoping to get to the freeway sometime soon. As I near the light back by my house, I glance in the rear view mirror to see that Big Rig Guy has indeed figured out how reverse works and the street is clear, so as soon as I clear the intersection (yes, you guessed it) another illegal U-turn and I'm heading back where I originally was headed.
Here's where it gets REALLY good. As I approach the driveway Big Rig Guy has pulled into, suddenly he decides that he hasn't quite accomplished whatever it was he intended previously, and he pulls back out into traffic directly in front of me, once again, blocking all four lanes of traffic. I sigh, spin yet another illegal U and, expressing my contempt for Big Rig Guys backing skills with a one handed (let's face it, one fingered gesture), I head off into the sunset, hoping to find the freeway sometime soon.
All arguments that it's just coincidence, or 'the universe isn't really out to get you' will fall on deaf ears. I heard the same thing, back when I maintained that my graphite gray Toyota was the Stealth Corolla, due to the number of times, and the manner in which I got cut off on LA freeways and streets. "Everyone gets cut-off on LA freeways and streets," I was told. But I maintained that it was worse in the Stealth Corolla.
One day, driving down a VERY wide residential street in Santa Monica, on a bright, sunny mid-week morning, some idiot kid hung one of those damn illegal U-Turns directly in front of me, totaling the Stealth Corolla. As he got out of his car to survey the damage, all he kept saying was "where the hell did you come from? I never saw your car!"
So please don't tell me the universe doesn't have it in for me, 'cause I know better.
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